Type your search keyword, and press enter

Madness Part 2

This post may contain affiliate links.

I wrote this blog post over a year ago. It’s titled Madness. I can’t tell you how many times I go back to it. So much has changed since these keyboard strokes. Friendships have changed, our family has changed, and I’m a year older, just to name a few.

All good and some bad.

Other things have remained constant. Primarily me needing to trust God on the paths that lie ahead. I still need that. And I need to know that my life is a work-in-progress.

Today, after a tough 48 hours I was feeling a little defeated. A fussy baby, a demanding job, and a lot that I’m behind on will do it for me.

The feeling of defeat was settling in before I could retreat from it.

I was becoming short with my fussy four month old. I couldn’t even take care of me let alone manage keeping this little one alive (rest assured, he’s quite alive, very happy, and incredibly loved). I was too down to do dishes, the laundry, make beds, finish work at home, and I barely made it into the shower. I had time, I just couldn’t bring myself to much today. I was physically and mentally tired, and just couldn’t.

I was heavy.

It was going to happen, the moment of release. You know, the moment you let go and just cry because you can’t do everything for everyone anymore. You can no longer handle your unwritten to-do list that runs laps in your head, the constant reminder that other people need you, and there isn’t enough time in the day. You are overwhelmed,  and just need to be done for a while.You need a reset or all hell is going to break loose.

Let me just digress for a moment.

My life doesn’t always make sense to me. I don’t trust most people, because I can see through most of them. I am very intuitive and have empath tendancies. I have the ability to feel very much.  I think and see the best in everyone so therefore am quite hurt when they aren’t what I expected. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care, I am simply disappointed. I know God loves them in a unique way just as He loves me, too. And He hasn’t called us to be friends with everyone. He calls us love and show grace – it’s a big difference.

So you can only really count the good friends on one hand.

I’d heard this a million times as a kid and thought it was way off. I was so wrong.  I now, can count my closest friends on one hand. I love those few with my whole heart. I’m so thankful for them. They support me in my ever wandering journeys, my emotional roller coasters, and yet they aren’t ashamed of being my friend. Their actions show that. They think of me. I come to mind when something reminds them of me, or if they miss me. I do the same to those I feel close with. Even if it’s few and far between, my best girlfriends and I can catch up like we’d only last spoke yesterday. They are my girls.

So back to today.

I was able to get out of the house to go to the local pool with all three of my boys. I reconnected with a newfound friend and it was wonderful. She always has time for me, and she always has a kind word. I can see in her heart she really cares for me. Her ‘type’ is rare – a real treasure.  She would do anything for me in a heartbeat, and she really has shown that. Even when I feel like I can’t repay her for her kindness, she doesn’t make me feel like I’m wasting her time or I owe her anything. She texts me when we haven’t talked in a while, even if its to say her and her son miss me and the boys. She is a friend that helps me find the best me. We can laugh, she lets me cry, and she gives the best advice. And most of all, if we don’t agree, she still supports me. She listens anyway.

I needed a day out, and I needed that connection. Just those couple of hours helped me erase the feelings of failure and defeat today. I was able to put everything into perspective once I removed myself from the day, and entered into a friendship atmosphere.

So thanks Meg.

Thank you for being such a great friend. I know you don’t think you do much, but you are just what I needed today after some rough hours. And I only hope I can be that good friend that you need, too.

Proverbs 27:9

DDG Pinterest Recipe Win or Fail?

This post may contain affiliate links.

— Insert Homer Simpson Drooling Face Here–

If you need a go-to-everyone-loves-recipe, this is it. Look no further.

So.. obviously I’d give this one a big WIN!

 

I came across this recipe about a year ago on Pinterest (full credit given Brandie at The Country Cook). I love to try new things and this was a big hit with our boys! So when we do decide to go off of the beaten path (we really try not to eat a lot of dairy, meat,  or high carbs), I pull this out. It’s great because you can decide how spicy you want this casserole and it’s easy to make more or less of if needed.

If you do try it, I hope you like it!

And please leave a comment on how it turned out below. I’d love to hear what you think!

Chow!

Psalm 107:9

Back to School!

This post may contain affiliate links.

So I always thought that parents who rejoiced on back-to-school days were cruel and selfish.

Really? You only get so many weeks with your kids for the summer and now you want to send them packing? Is your life really that hard with them that you are just done? Is it really that bad? Hmph..rude.

Yes.  Yes, it’s that bad.

I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve become that parent. Don’t get me wrong. I love my children, but man, I’m so ready for them to be back in school. It is time. It’s either that or I somehow learn how to build some make-shift playhouse where they can live outside fully equipped with a bed and a water supply .

This summer we took away electronics. We thought it would be good for them. I still think so, but then Iowa decided we’d have hotter-than-hell summers with a dash of “I hope you wore your goggles and brought your snorkel” humidity. So we’ve spent our days at home inside. Inside in our small house = “bored” children. I’d give them hundreds of things to do: games, reading, cleaning (ha! that was a joke), crafts, you name it. But you see, our boys need to burn energy, to play outside. They need an outlet that requires creativity with a little bit of sweat.  Instead of our planned summer outside,  they bicker and fight constantly.. inside.. right next to me.. expecting me to chime in and tell the other brother “he started it”.

Seriously.  How is it I can tune out most things, and sometimes on accident,  but Lord help me I cannot tune this out! I’ve prayed for patience, and those boys are lucky because if God didn’t provide me with patience,  the whole “who started it”argument would be the least of their worries. Just kidding.. no not really. I frequently would remind myself – “I love my children. I love my children.  Jail is not fun.”

 

Not every day was this way, just most of them. Ha. And boy did it test me. And boy am I ready to regain my composure.

I realized some things this year. I realized that summer for me was MY opportunity to catch up with my kids because I had  been working so much. I worked too much. Anywhere from 40 hours a week to 60. I was too busy proving myself to the wrong people. I wanted all this time with the kids, but I wasn’t prioritizing that,  so sending them back to school always seemed far too soon as a workaholic. I wanted more time with them.

Ever since I’d decided to stay home more, I was beginning to realize just how much I’d missed. It was strange. I  didn’t understand why these parents were excited to send their kids on back to school. I get it now, believe me. Don’t you think that the more time away from your kids you want to be with them, and the more time you’re with them all you want is just 5 minutes alone? Strange how that works.. but I get it now. I realize that:

  • The love I have for my children isn’t minimized when I need to have a break from them. If I’m not sane or rested, no one is.
  • The love I have for my children isn’t minimized when I fail to remember a permission slip or to feed them lunch before 4 pm. Life does go on and they see that I am human, too.
  • I will get tired. I do more work being in the home than I EVER did working 60 hours a week in sales (Note to self, go to bed earlier).
  • I will be grumpy – see above. That doesn’t mean I’m damaging my children. I’m not perfect.
  • Sometimes a shower isn’t as important as hearing about what the kids would like to do for the day or tending to a crying baby. This is why God made deodorant and body spray.
  • I know more about my kids this past year than I think I’ve accumulated in their last 5 years of life. I feel guilty about that and at the same time I am so grateful for the realization. I can’t wait to know more about them as they grow.
  • I’m not a failure as a Mom. I’m always learning. And that is perfectly fine. 
  • I’m not the Mom that looks put together and always on top of things. I’m me. I’m the Mom that God has sent for my children. He chose me and no one else.
  • I am getting better every day, and I will miss the mark of perfection. That is quite alright.

So in the morning  I will help them on their way to their 1st day of class. I know they are so excited.. but not as much as me. I am excited to hear all about how their days went, and am excited I get my days back.

Cheers to the first day of school.

And to the tired, grumpy, smelly, forgetful, mothers out there: you are just what your children need. Embrace it.

Proverbs 31:28