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I wrote this blog post over a year ago. It’s titled Madness. I can’t tell you how many times I go back to it. So much has changed since these keyboard strokes. Friendships have changed, our family has changed, and I’m a year older, just to name a few.
All good and some bad.
Other things have remained constant. Primarily me needing to trust God on the paths that lie ahead. I still need that. And I need to know that my life is a work-in-progress.
Today, after a tough 48 hours I was feeling a little defeated. A fussy baby, a demanding job, and a lot that I’m behind on will do it for me.
The feeling of defeat was settling in before I could retreat from it.
I was becoming short with my fussy four month old. I couldn’t even take care of me let alone manage keeping this little one alive (rest assured, he’s quite alive, very happy, and incredibly loved). I was too down to do dishes, the laundry, make beds, finish work at home, and I barely made it into the shower. I had time, I just couldn’t bring myself to much today. I was physically and mentally tired, and just couldn’t.
I was heavy.
It was going to happen, the moment of release. You know, the moment you let go and just cry because you can’t do everything for everyone anymore. You can no longer handle your unwritten to-do list that runs laps in your head, the constant reminder that other people need you, and there isn’t enough time in the day. You are overwhelmed, and just need to be done for a while.You need a reset or all hell is going to break loose.
Let me just digress for a moment.
My life doesn’t always make sense to me. I don’t trust most people, because I can see through most of them. I am very intuitive and have empath tendancies. I have the ability to feel very much. I think and see the best in everyone so therefore am quite hurt when they aren’t what I expected. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care, I am simply disappointed. I know God loves them in a unique way just as He loves me, too. And He hasn’t called us to be friends with everyone. He calls us love and show grace – it’s a big difference.
So you can only really count the good friends on one hand.
I’d heard this a million times as a kid and thought it was way off. I was so wrong. I now, can count my closest friends on one hand. I love those few with my whole heart. I’m so thankful for them. They support me in my ever wandering journeys, my emotional roller coasters, and yet they aren’t ashamed of being my friend. Their actions show that. They think of me. I come to mind when something reminds them of me, or if they miss me. I do the same to those I feel close with. Even if it’s few and far between, my best girlfriends and I can catch up like we’d only last spoke yesterday. They are my girls.
So back to today.
I was able to get out of the house to go to the local pool with all three of my boys. I reconnected with a newfound friend and it was wonderful. She always has time for me, and she always has a kind word. I can see in her heart she really cares for me. Her ‘type’ is rare – a real treasure. She would do anything for me in a heartbeat, and she really has shown that. Even when I feel like I can’t repay her for her kindness, she doesn’t make me feel like I’m wasting her time or I owe her anything. She texts me when we haven’t talked in a while, even if its to say her and her son miss me and the boys. She is a friend that helps me find the best me. We can laugh, she lets me cry, and she gives the best advice. And most of all, if we don’t agree, she still supports me. She listens anyway.
I needed a day out, and I needed that connection. Just those couple of hours helped me erase the feelings of failure and defeat today. I was able to put everything into perspective once I removed myself from the day, and entered into a friendship atmosphere.
So thanks Meg.
Thank you for being such a great friend. I know you don’t think you do much, but you are just what I needed today after some rough hours. And I only hope I can be that good friend that you need, too.